Paint fumes

Today I'd like to discuss politics. Not really politics. It's more of a Mr. Rogers ideology.

Let's put our hands in under age puppets.


That is all.

Psyche!!!

During the civil rights movement, there were some white people involved. Most of these white people were jewish. The spell corrector wants me to change that word to newish. That works too. In the beginning, the alliance seemed obvious. Intelligent oppressed people trying to live in the states as free as the next guy. But as the struggle wore on, some conflicts arose between this alliance. There are a number of logical reasons and a number of examples that I remember reading and seeing on PBS. Not in Ken Burns film's, but in super low budget documentaries that have interviews in hotel lobbies and use mostly public domain pictures of civil rights era photos that didn't always necessarily emphasize the situations being discussed in the narrative. One example was of an African American city taking control of predominantly African American schools and firing white teachers, most of whom were jewish and had fought in the cause. This kind of erupted a fight between the two. Folks in the interview used words like "heartbroken" and "troubling" on both sides of the conflict. The point is, they seemed the two most unlikely groups to fight in those times when their enemies were so much more powerful and evil. It would be like He-Man and...well I don't think anyone would team up with He-man. How about A.L.F and Black Panther. It would be like A.L.F and the Black Panther teamed up against Skeletor and Cobra Commander. Let's face it, He Man and G.I. Joe would probably have sat out the Civil Rights movement and waited to see which way the wind would blow. Then when everything was over they would tell their kids that they were in Civil Rights activities when really they just happen to be at one where this hippie chick who they were trying to bang was going to be. The point is, no one wants to see A.L.F and the Black Panther fight amongst each other. Not over something so big as Cobra and Skeletor. That's how I feel when I see this Obama Clinton fight going on. First of all, the media is kind of building it up. We all are. We are used to seeing it and we want to see it. Gore tried to be friendly with Bush and it didn't work out for him so well.

The point is, someone started stirring up shit. It was Bill Clinton. Obama and Hilary used to be buds, and it was cool. In this last debate, they started attacking each other. Edwards kept jumping in too, like a little dog that sees two big dogs fighting and jumps in to bite every now and then. But I don't care who started. No one ever does. I just want to see Obama and Hilary diffuse it. Edwards needs to back off too. To get that far in politics, everyone is going to have mistakes behind them. The truth is, if you look at all their resumes, they have a long list of doing great things for the country. From what I've read, heaps more good than harm.

Civil Rights books have chapters about how splinters of Civil Rights activists would fight amongst each other sometimes. Over little things like who would lead protests, when to lead protests, what churches or schools to start at, who gets to speak and other things. Martin Luther King would always resolve everything and bring them together. He would diffuse any conflicting. He got people fighting for the same cause and to keep their focus fighting intolerance and racism instead of each other. The falling out between the jews and the African American organizations happened after he was gone.

Martin Luther King also wrote about how when white people would hear his message and truly change, no one would ever see it. The media was never interested when he had the real human to human breakthroughs, they were only there when dogs were unleashed or hoses were fired. I'm sure he was disappointed in this. He truly wanted to make things better without fighting. He just wanted to make things better and bring people together.


Right now it seems like many things are working against people and our pursuits of happiness. Skeletor and Cobra are peeing on people's bread, putting glitter on the top of fan blades and waiting for their unsuspecting roommates to turn them on, and disconnecting our car batteries. Not only that, but they have tracked dog shit into our houses and then took turns smelling their shoes saying "It wasn't me, It wasn't me," when it obviously was one of them. They are leaving stuff that we will be cleaning up for some time. When we move out, the landlord is going to keep our deposits and write reasons like, "ruined carpet, funny smell in closet??." We need people who want to make things better. Not say the things that they think we want to hear, or make some things slightly better for a few while making things atrocious for most.

I don't want to see an African American man and a female who both have a historic chance of leading the country in a right direction squabble with each other. There are bigger things at stake, there are worse people and worse things to argue about. We don't have time to waste. Seeing Obama or Hilary getting visibly upset and agitated at one another or throwing out quips about how one maybe worked for a chicago slum lord, or the other made a wrong choice about an ambiguous bill allowing Bush to go to war, makes them see disingenuous about caring about the fate and descent of the country. If they are angry at someone, be angry at someone deserving or attack something or some issue that needs attacking. There are plenty of them.

I know they have been pitted against each other longer than other candidates and it seems more is at stake, but they can't take their eye of the prize. They can't fight amongst each other because the more they fight each other, the less they have time to fight other things worth fighting. The more they fight, the less the republicans fight. The more they fight, the more divided other democrats have to become. The more they fight, the more I have to watch News shows edit clips of them fighting together. The more they fight, the more I have to hear about googling Ron Paul. I like Ron Paul, I just don't want to google him, I mean I barely know him. I don't google until the second or third date anyways, unless Zima is involved.

Let's get it right this time. Imagine the progress missed out on when the jews and African Americans fought, imagine the cigars Skeletor and Cobra smoked while A.L.F and Black Panther fought about who had tried to convince Reagan more to chill out on the weapons program (and keep in mind that they only smoke cigars made of children's brains).

Their are enough superficial divisions in the country. Let's get together, work together, campaign against a legacy of tyranny together. Let's root for an African American or woman president together. Let's be better than we usually are, better than our own human instincts tell us to be. I want to see them holding hands as they walk up to the endless debating podiums, and holding hands as they walk away to read blogs about what people think of them and look at funny pictures of cats.




I was going to try to keep my political affiliation ambiguous in my blog, but it's pretty obvious I'm for A.L.F.


I also have to admit that I have googled Ron Paul. I googled him long, and I googled him hard. That might explain the rash I know have on myspace.

My Fair Lady

Last night was midnight madness at the luxurious South Florida fair. This fair is one of the biggest fairs I have ever seen. It is how I imagine fairs to be in the 50's or 60's, before they became modeled after white trash city council meetings. But I digress. This had all the fair games you would come to expect, throwing darts at stuff, breaking beer bottles, shooting hoops, trying not to step in puke or touch anything. It also had all the fair staples like hot dog stands, candy stands, overpriced beer with gnats in it, tons of guys who look at your girlfriend's chest, tons of girl's chests whom you ignore because your with your girlfriend and she knows that other dudes are looking at her chest so she keeps checking your eyes every time another chest walks by. They also had some pretty awesome rides for a fair. When we first went inside, we had to play a game.

"Three dollars, break three balloons win a prize!"

"Ahhh, I want a puppy dog."

"Then you play, I'm not drunk enough to talk to carnies yet."

"Hey there, pretty thing. Put you legs right up here (unnecessarily touches butt) and put your pretty little arm up like this (unnecessarily gropes arm) and just throw it."

Pop

Pop

thunk

"Okay, for three more dollars you can try again and win this puppy no matter what."

"Now this time just stand up here (butt) and hold here (hand) and let go."

thunk

pop

thunk

"Okay, well here's your puppy."



"Geeze, I can't believe I spent six bucks on this."

"Think of it as helping to buy that guy a new ear."

Next it was off to see the sites. First we paid two dollars and saw the smallest horse in the world. It was really the smallest horse, it was cute. Then we paid two bucks and saw the biggest horse in the world. And believe me, after seeing the littlest horse in the world, he looked huge. It was weird, my wiener was still bigger than his though. Then we saw the biggest snake in the world. It was pretty cool as well. Now all of this exhibits had the same style paintings on the wall and the same voice coming over the megaphone explaining what was in the booth. My girlfriend went in to see Tiny Tina, only 29 inches tall. I chose not to participate in this one. She came out and could only describer her as "like a little meatball with a little phone who was texting." I tell you all this, but really it was the last one of these exhibits that was the best. There on the sign, amongst a huge crowd said, "Snake Girl, the beautiful head of a girl, the grotesque body of a snake." No way. It has to be just some deformed snake, or lizard or something. "She'll answer all of your questions!" What! How! Maybe some girl had a microphone for it or something. Okay, okay. Let's go.


It was just a stuffed snake with a girl sitting in a box with only her head showing. Now, mind you, the sign clearly said beautiful girl....I don't want to judge...but she was red faced and sweating her ass off. Another thing, it said she can answer any question. My girlfriend asked, "Are you comfortable?" and the snake beast replied "Are you comfortable." But the best part of the exhibit came when we stood outside and watched others pay to see this freak of nature. Here are some comments I heard.


"ah, shit. Come on."
"She ain't even pretty."
"Just a chick in a box, I can see that shit at home."
"They are probably going to make 5 thousand dollars tonight, I can't believe that."

I don't know why that guy had a chick in a box at home.... The best part was this Asian family came up. There were seven of them. It looks like they already had a successful day at the fair. The kids were tired, they had prizes. They were on there way out. Then the little boy wants to go inside. The father was debating it. He looked at the sign.

"It's just a snake right?"

The guy taking the money gave him a blank look and turned around to see the sign. He just read it aloud.

"Snake with the head of a beautiful girl, body of a grotesque snake." Then he shrugged. The dad tried to convince the son it was nothing, but then the wife got curious. Then the grandma, and soon the dad was forking out seven dollars to see snake girl. When they came out, the grandma was mad, the older girl and boy were laughing, the dad and mom were mad. Then the little boy came out last. He looked bewildered.

"How does it poop?"

And finally, my predictions came true. I ended up eating two thirds of a hotdog, a half a bag of fries, a pizza with one bite taken out of it, nachos, four beers, the "gross" portions of a cotton candy bag, and a funnel cake. The funnel cake was at the end of the night. Something to eat on the long trek back to the car. But then it started pouring. I mean, torrential downpour and my girlfriend has an iphone. Unfortunatly the bag the funnel cake came in was waterproof, so I had to eat the funnel cake, as it was getting soggy from the rain in order to get the bag. Then we had to run to the car. I don't know if you've ever had to chugg a funnel cake and run, but it doesn't work out. I spent the rest of the night with a huge stomach ache, and powdered sugar under my fingernails. It was awesome.

I forgot to add that we rode this spinning ride thing that this guy named Genius operated. Every time we spun by his window I would go, "Come on Geeenius." mocking him, thinking he would spin us faster. After about nine of these the ride ended. As we walked by his window he just gave me a nasty glare, he had taken his name tag that said genius off, and he was typing on his phone. I like to think he was texting Tiny Tina about how he can't wait until the fair was closed, so they could make love until the sun came up.

The Democratic Debate and Line Dancing Cont...

In true blogger fashion, I did not continue my blog the next day. The story in itself is incredible. There I was, minding my own business, well actually I was minding other people's businesses, I was working on a new investment portfolio for a home lending company... but I won't depress you. Then, all of the sudden, out of the sky came this huge purple ship. I thought, am I in Texas or on the Ellen show? Neither. So I looked outside and saw that this ship was spraying some white stuff on some pit or something. Then I logged into X-box live and started killing 14 year olds with Garth, Steven, and Lt. Matt. It was a blast. Here's the thing about Halo, it can really relax you and calm you down and can be a good stress reliever...but only if you win. If you start losing all the laughing and jokes stop. You just deploy to the next match in silence and hope that you start winning a few, otherwise everyone will quit. Then it's back the real world of blogging and podcasting. Yeesh, how do I survive.

If you can't tell by now, I don't want to finish my last blog entry. It was going to sum up about something like really everyone wants the same thing, we all just want to line dance and let responsible people run the government responsibly. Then I was going to talk about how nothings wrong with that but then I would leave a quote with a warning like "the price of freedom is vigilance." So just pretend I did all that. Oh yeah, then I would end on a joke. Something totally nonsensical like....geeze...I don't know. No joke I write is going to top the minding my own business joke. If you didn't think that was funny, read it again. If it still isn't funny, sit down for ten minutes, then stand up real fast. It won't make it funnier, it's just cool to get head rushes.

In a related topic, another primary is on tonight as well as some news coverage that I want to watch, but I'll be at the South Florida fair. My girlfriend doesn't get off until 9 or 10 so I tried to pretend like I didn't want to go because that would be too late. Like I needed more time than a few hours at the fair, but it didn't work out. Plus she said she would buy me fair food. I told her I only eat pleasant. She didn't laugh. The only problem with this is she's on some strict diet, but she wants a piece of everything so I always end up having to eat it. This may sound awesome, but I have cavities*.


Until next time, Max out.






*untrue if you are reading this as Max's parents or grandparents

The Democratic Campaign and Line Dancing

There are times in a young blogger's life when he has to do things he doesn't want to do. Yesterday, I wanted badly to watch the Democratic debate in Nevada. There were many reasons I wanted to watch this particular debate. I know there have been several hundred before and there will be several hundred after but I spent six hours the day before at Books A Million (AKA the library, the only difference is you can't take books into the shitter at Books A Million, I was going to buy the damn book anyways. Maybe Joe Mugg's coffee shouldn't use ca-ca beans in there coffee you weasley books a million manager enjoy your life dream of being a books a million manager Brad!) What was I talking about? Oh yeah, I read a few chapters of some interesting books about the housing problem and the group of men who cased it...on purpose supposedly. I also read some of Bill O' Reilly's book and parts of Keith Olberman's which I will get to in another blog. Soon. I don't know when, check your new blog email notifications. At any rate, I had heard Ms. Clinton would be talking about this. Also, Mr. Obama and Ms. Clinton would be discussing what they thought was wrong with the economy and their plans to fix it. So there I was, sitting at my girlfriend's house watching the debate. I was enthralled, well, after they got over the "race" discussion, which wasn't a discussion at all. It was pretty much just everyone saying, "I have black friends." Which is true, and good for them. Then around the second break I noticed my girlfriend trying on different shirts, looking in the mirror and dancing up and down. About the third shirt, I asked her about it.

"What are you doing? Do you need me to check for lumps or something?"

"Babeeeeee, you know what tonight is."

"Yeah, debate night."

"Not everyone likes to watch the debates."

"Who doesn't"

"All the people we are hanging out with tonight."

"Who's that?"

Then her poodle started barking and peeing on the carpet a little. That means someone is at the door. In walked her friend from work Laura. Laura was wearing a tiny, cut up t shirt with rebel flags on it that said, "When your butt's this good, who needs boobs?" Also, so she had tiny cut off jeans and a cup of wine. I started to figure out what was going on.

"Hey girl."

"Hey girl."

"Hey girl."

"Hey Max. Where did your mustache go?"

"I had to shave, I wasn't ready yet. I miss it."

"Geeze, I can't find the right shirt for line dancing"

Damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it.



Once inside, I tried to take the place in. But it was hard because it was a huge place. There was a mechanical bull, which by the way, is it okay for guys to ride those? I don't know why, but I always thought it was a girl thing to do, but I've seen more guys do it then girls. My good friend Matt Sevcik did it once and he had to fill out a release form first. To add to my theory that only girls are supposed to do it, the release had these questions

Are you pregnant: Yes No
Are you sure: Yes No
Are you menstruating: Yes No
Do you agree to maintain your balance in a sexy way: Yes No

Okay the last one wasn't on there, but whatever. What was I talking about? I need to quit blogging under the influence but I keep thinking cocaine worked for Poe, so whatever. So we are inside. There is a huge dance floor, a few TVs, all on either ABC or a Kenney Chesney learn to dance DVD from the 90's. It looks like it was in the nineties, of course it's hard to tell in country videos. Sorry, bloggers don't use outlines. So there was a bull, there were tons of chicks line dancing, and there were a bunch of dudes. Fortunately my girlfriend knows there is no way I'm line dancing so all I have to do is hold her wine, and camera, and wallet, and whatever when she goes to dance. There were also two gay guys there, one was exactly like my other good friend named Matt Mitchell, I mean, to a T. Why do people say that? There is too much to write here, I have to take a break. Let's recap.

1: I wanted to watch the debate
2: I ended having to go to a line dancing bar
3: Capri Sun really takes the edge off.


My girlfriend just walked in, I have to go. To be continued tomorrow.

What are you going to do? What are you going to do?

Today my good friend Dennis asked me, "What are you going to do after graduation?" I've been getting this question more and more often as I am about to get my masters degree. The problem is I don't know what I'm going to do yet. I need to do many things before I am in a position to start looking for jobs. Below is a list of the things I need to do.

1. Grow a mustache
2. Start a blog
3. Talk to an old professor about where to look for jobs in the industry
4. Make a sweet website
5. Finish my thesis
6. Decide what I want to do with the rest of my life


The reason why I worry so much when Dennis asks me this question is because every once in awhile, Dennis is hilarious and I value his opinion. Most of the time he is pretty funny, but once in awhile he does something so funny, that normal people might not understand why it's funny. For example, he put a picture album on the internet called Dennis' Room: The Ride and it's just different pictures of his room. The funny part comes when the last picture has this written on the wall.

What's so funny about this is Dennis pretended like he was going to kill himself before at a middle school party. He ran into the bathroom and started banging his wrists on the bathroom counter. Like that would work!

In closing, I would just like to say, Dennis quit asking me about my life or I will write embarrassing stories about you in middle school on my blog.

Setting: A Dark and Bloggy Night

I wonder what Martin Luther King thought on that fair August morning in 1963 before he delivered his euphoric, emphatic decleration of peace and hope. I too wonder what a young Memphis mother thought that morning in 1935 right before she delivered another type of king. And I wonder also what a naive alien thought, that glorious day of January 1986 when his TV sitcom aired for the first time. Why do I wonder about these things? I'm not sure. I just wonder what these heroes thought, on the days of their great triumphs. Did they know that these moments in time would be great turning points of civilization? Did they fathom the radical change of winds that they would stir? We may never know. Just as we may never know what ideas we had on this day in January in the year two ought ought eight. On this day, when Max Kreutzer began his weekly blog. Is this another great turning point in human civilization? Time shall tell.

How do I put in pictures of my cat?